Wednesday, November 19, 2008

I Hate Dreams

Why do people think their dreams are interesting to others? People are always telling me about their dreams and, other than the “I ♥ Dreams” bumper sticker on my car, I can’t figure out why.
People always want to know what their dreams mean. So here, I'll tell you, and then you can quit bugging me.
The Dream About Teeth Falling Out: This dream typically means that one day all your teeth are going to fall out, and you should probably marry a dentist. If you are already married and can’t get out of it, you should commit your first born child to an arranged marriage with a dentist.
The Falling Dream: I often dream that I am falling. Dreams about falling indicate that you are a well-rounded, likeable individual whose charming personality and above-average talents mean that you will be a great success in life.
The Naked at School Dream: So-called “experts” in dream interpretation will tell you that dreaming about being naked in public is a sign of insecurity. This theory is, in professional terms, complete doo doo. More often, this type of dream is an indication that you have too many covers on, have started to sweat, and wish you were naked.
The Being Chased By Something Scary Dream: Dreams about being chased are really just repressed memories of 4th grade, when boys used to show that they liked you by chasing you, throwing lit firecrackers at you, beating you up after school and calling you four-eyed weirdo loser face. At least, my mom always told me it meant that they liked me. She was probably right. I mean, why else would the kids have done that?
If I haven't covered your specific type of dream here, then just interpret it yourself. Do this by listening to your gut. In fact, I once had a dream that I solved a world crisis by listening to my gut. See, this scary monster guy was chasing me down a dark alley…(see, right now your gut should be telling you to move on to the next blog.)


The Crider Clan said...

Another hilarious post Lecia!

Andrea said...

This is so funny Lecia! I love it! I just read all your posts (in the wrong order, but hey, i read them!) I am now hooked on Currant Pie!