Reasons My Family Can't Be A Reality Show

1. The "Strictest Parents" said not to, and honestly, I'm kind of afraid of them.

2. I'm nervous that I'll be caught on camera picking a wedgie (c'mon, you all do it sometimes. I've seen you).

3. I like to brush my teeth in private because I'm a bit of a messy spitter.

4. The only producers who are interested in us are from National Geographic, and their show is called "Barely Domesticated". It doesn't sound promising.

5. We gossip a lot at the dinner table, so we'd probably lose all our friends.

6. The most interesting thing that's happened to us lately is when my son got his nose stuck in a water bottle.

My So-Called Christmas Card

A Quick Rundown of 2010:

D-Dawg (16) is "driving" his mom and dad to tears. Tears of joy, that is, since he's running all their errands for them. TLC (13) has recently taken a part-time job as a stalker, or at least that's what we have to assume after seeing his photo above. Bananalyn (9) is looking forward to being in double digits soon, and has subscribed to AARP magazine in preparation for the big day. AJ, aka Squinty, (5) begins every day with the same phrase: "Can I invite a friend over?", and ends every day with the equally endearing phrase, "I need a drink." We're planning an intervention. And little Tator Tot (7 weeks) thinks Christmas is totally over-commercialized and refuses to participate.

JByrd recently received a mug for his birthday that says "World's Best Dad". He was surprised because he didn't know the voting had ended, but he wants all you other dads to know that he totally respects you, even though you didn't win. (losers). And I recently saved 15% or more on my car insurance, so I'm feeling pretty good about that.

Merry Christmas!