The time has come for me to make an important disclosure on this blog. I was born with PPD - People Pleasing Disorder. For those of you who aren't familiar with PPD, it is a very serious disorder characterized by excessively pretending to like things you don't really like and the strict avoidance of any and all strong opinions, except those that happen to mirror the opinions of the people you're with at the moment.
My life has been marred by several unfortunate flare-ups of my disease. For example, in the throes of a romantic high-school courtship with my now-husband, I wrote the following statements in my journal:
"I went to prom with J. It was so fun! He really likes to fast dance, which is so cool, because I totally love to fast dance but none of my other dates ever want to."
"I played sand volleyball last night with J. It is like the funnest sport ever! I can't wait to do it again."
Let me be perfectly clear here - both of those statements are boldfaced lies. In addition to PPD, I was also born with a certain lack of coordination, making fast dancing and sand volleyball two things I should never do. And that's not just me saying that, I've heard it from several other people as well. But, I was so anxious to please J that I had convinced even myself that these were activities I loved.
My ever supportive sister says that we're all like that when we're in love. Well, then, I must be in love with her, because I hide my O Magazine every time she comes over, since I know very well that she disdains Oprah as a regular old talk show host cleverly disguised as a moral compass for the world. (I like all the book reviews in the magazine).
Please make a note of how I felt I had to defend myself at the end of that last paragraph. If that is not an indication of the advanced state of my disease, I don't know what is.
Another indication of my sickness is that I have no favorite anythings. Truly. No favorite food, color, musical artist or author. This is likely the result of my many years of practice in having only the same opinions as those around me. I've actually made up a favorite color over the years, simply because people expect you to have one. It pleases them. I say yellow. But, I enjoy orange, blue and green equally as much as yellow, so, whatever.
Since I rarely have the courage to say my real opinions in public (the few that I've formed, anyway), here is a short list that you can print and keep in your wallet for handy reference:
*
Oh, poop, I couldn't think of any.
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2 comments:
I used to have an acute case of PPD also. However, I have learned through the act of divorce that I actually can have opinions. And-I can share them. For example: ten years ago I would never say that I love the color hot pink or heaven forbid-any other shade of pink.
Now, however, you can walk in my apartment and see a pink DVD player, pink kitchenaid mixer, pink toaster, pink hand mixer, and pink shower curtains. Additionally I would never have told people outright that I love Madonna's music. So, let me be clear: I love hot pink and other shades of pink. My favorite singers are Madonna and Cher. There, now it's your turn Mick. Break through the PPD and post an opinion. Love ya.
LOL I love this. I hate those "new to the ward" relief society sheets that they have you fill out of all your "favorites". My favorite things are usually what I'm in the mood for at the second- and that's it.
"Fast dance" haha! I haven't heard that term in milleniums. ♥ you (:
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